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FCC IX: Cough & Cold Edition

Mucus Man

About two weeks ago I came down with a cough.
A not so enjoyable hack that produces things we will not
talk about on this blog.
Yet this cough also led me to something great…

 

The Medicine Closet.

To combat my cough I went to the medicine closet.  The closet held a few remedies for my ailment.
The first tool to combat the cough – Mucinex Maximum Strength Expectorant…

An innocent looking little bottle that claims to hold 14 magic pills to cure me.

Mucinex Pills

Inside what I found were 14 impossibly massive capsules that no human should be able to swallow without first crushing, chewing or breaking them into ingestable pieces…
But the instructions on the label clearly stated “do not crush, chew, or break tablet.”

Looking at them in the bottle I was reminded of the VW Bugs you see at the circus – that somehow contain 14 full grown clowns.  I set the bottle back – I was not going to choke to death to get rid of my cough.

Clown car Comic

Next, there was a large economy sized bag of salvation by the name of Halls.  This golden bag promised triple soothing action to sooth my sore throat, relieve my cough, and cool my nasal passages – just what the doctor ordered.  When I unlocked the magic of the “fresh-lock” seal I found even more magic than promised…
I found –

A Pep Talk In Every Drop.
As I unraveled the first of many relief drops of the day I noticed a message that read – “A Pep Talk In Every Drop.”  My first drop held three inspirational messages that spurred me forward:

Halls BagGet back in the game.
You’ve survived tougher.
Buckle down and push forth!

I followed those fortunes with:

The show must go on. Or work.
Put your game face on.
Keep your chin up.
Bet on yourself.
Let’s hear your battle cry.

(It was more of a battle squeal that day though.)

 

And…
You got it in you.
Dust off and get up.
Elicit a few “wows” today.
Go get it.
March forward!
Take charge and mean it.
Don’t try harder… DO harder!
It’s yours for the taking.
Be resilient.
Get back in there champ!
Go for it!
Put a little strut in it. (you don’t want to see that – I promise)
Hi-five yourself.
Turn “can do” into “can did!”
Get through it.
Impress yourself today. (That’s a tall order.)
Seize the day.
Flex your “can do” muscle. (Now, that is a sight to see.)
Inspire envy.
Tough is your middle name.
Be unstoppable.
You can do it and you know it. (Clap your hands.)
Push on!
Fire up those engines!

I’m not sure when the fortune cookie writer decided he needed a second job writing “Pep Talks” for Hall’s Cough Drops…  but I am grateful he did!

 
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Posted by on December 10, 2012 in Fortune Cookies

 

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Fortune Cookie Chronicles VII: The Pile Of 1,000 Cookies…

Okay…  Maybe not quite 1,000 – more like somewhere around 142 1/2.
Yes.  And a half.  We’ll get to that later.

But first – My fortune hoarding had gotten so bad Nurse Sonshine and the little Troupe decided to put them together in a book until I could make time to post them.  They got half way and tuckered out.
Here’s the pile of fortunes I’ve been hanging on to for MONTHS!!!

Now that is from a LOT of cookies!

Count with me now:

  1. A person’s character is his destiny. (So very wise oh crunchy one.)
  2. A new environment makes all the difference in the world. (I’m not planning on moving.)
  3. A schedule defends from chaos and whim. (I like it!)
  4. A peaceful mind generates power. (THAT’s why my electric bill has gone down…)
  5. Do not let what you do not have, prevent you from using what you do have. (Can I get an Amen!?)
  6. Good sense is the master of human life. (Then how do you explain the population explosion?)
  7. Your smile brings happiness to others. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
  8. The next full moon brings an enchanted evening. (Do I have to wait?)
  9. A romantic evening awaits you tonight. (Thank YOU!!!!!!)
  10. You are talented in many ways. (Buddha sure is a flatterer)
  11. Face any problem with dignity. (Stomping my feet and pouting usually works well too.)
  12. A lifestyle is what you pay for; a life is what pays you. (Ok.)
  13. A kiss can beautify souls, hearts, and thoughts. (Souls & hearts I TOTALLY get…  but thoughts?)
  14. A journey must begin with a single step. (And then you have to keep on going.)
  15. A love relationship takes on an added dimension. (Woo hoo!)
  16. A small gift can bring joy to the whole family. (NO!  Sonshine is NOT expecting.)
  17. A little courtesy will go a long way. (Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude…)
  18. A lifetime of happiness lies ahead of you. (I wouldn’t have it any other way.)
  19. A person of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds. (Hey! That rhymes.)
  20. Be smart, be intelligent, and be informed.  Be smart, but never show it. (Uh…  Okay, sure thing.)
  21. A journey must begin with a single step. (Seems like I’ve read that somewhere before.)
  22. A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given a chance. (I’ll give it a chance around 10 PM tonight.)
  23. A leader is powerful to the degree he empowers others. (So when I tell you to figure it out yourself I’m really “empowering” you.)
  24. A person with a determined heart frightens problems away. (BOO!)
  25. Do or do not.  There is no try. (Yoda was Buddhist?)
  26. A friend in the market is better than money in the purse. (Of course, if you’ve got both – that’s cool too.)
  27. An unexpected relationship will become permanent. (Hopefully they’re in the market.)
  28. Keep up the good work. You will be rewarded within the month. (Really?  But my hands are already tired of typing and I’m only about a quarter of the way done.)
  29. A small donation is called for.  It’s the right thing to do. (Good – I’ve got ten cents in my pocket.)
  30. A little courtesy will go a long way. (Okay, fine – have a dollar too.)
  31. An unexpected check or fortune will come today. (Wow!  Give & it shall be given unto you! Bring it on!)
  32. Education is the ability to meet life’s situations. (Huh?)
  33. Education is the movement from darkness to light. (Oh!  Thanks for clarifying that for me.)
  34. Do not let great ambitions overshadow small success. (Yes sir.)
  35. Your dearest wish will come true. (It already has…  Her name is Kimberly.)
  36. A kind word will keep someone warm for years. (I understand the sentiment, but a blanket works better.)
  37. Are your legs tired? You have been running through someone’s mind ALL day long. (Alright!  Combine this with number ni— never mind.)
  38. Today will be lucky and memorable for you. (Sounds like everyday to me.)
  39. A distant relative will phone you soon. (Um…  That reminds me.  I’d better call them first.)
  40. A dose of adversity is often as needful as a dose of medicine. (I’ll skip both and stick to the merry heart medicine.)
  41. An understanding heart warms all that are graced with it’s presence. (I understand.)
  42. A lifestyle is what you pay for; a life is what pays you. (So I hear.)
  43. A long term goal will soon be achieved. (So I can move it over to my short-term goal list then?)
  44. A leader is a person you will follow to a place you wouldn’t go by yourself. (Some places I will not follow anyone to.)
  45. A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. (No.  A drunk man’s words are slurred.)
  46. A secret is no longer a secret by the time it gets to you. (I promise not to tell.)
  47. Each bird likes his own nest best. (Right. Me too.)
  48. A clean conscience is a good pillow. (Yup.)
  49. A gathering of friends brings you lots of luck this evening. (Didn’t know I had plans…)
  50. A person with a determined heart frightens problems away. (You are persistent, aren’t you – or is that forgetful?)
  51. Analyze only when necessary. (You got it.  So I won’t even try to figure out what that means.)
  52. Do not mistake temptation for opportunity. (It’s easy to tell them apart – opportunity knocks only once, while temptation is more persistent than a Kirby salesman that hasn’t reached his quota.)

    Is anyone still reading this?

  53. A kiss?  The renunciation of the heart when one is no longer alone. (I have no clue what renunciation means, but I know all about kissing!)

    I bet that got your attention!

  54. Go for it. You never know what [will] happen next. (Smooooooooch!)
  55. Something on four wheels will soon be a fun investment for you! (Like new tires for Kermit the Ford?)
  56. A friend asks only for your time and not money. (So, you know the answer if you ask me for money – Buddha said no.)
  57. What is K.M.S.?  The golden rule – Keep Mouth Shut. (.)
  58. Be on the alert for new opportunities. (Always.)
  59. If your friend wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in the way. (Ha ha ha ha ha – Buddha told a joke!)
  60. I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand. (Kinda’)
  61. Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly. (I like it. Very wise.)
  62. A kind word warms for three winters. (Much more specific than #36.)
  63. A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. (Oh yeah!  I’d better get that paid…)
  64. A friend in the market is better than money in the purse. (In this case…  A friend in the Police Department would be better than money in the purse.)
  65. Genius is nothing but a great aptitude for patience. (I’m waaaaaiting.)
  66. If you wish to see the best in others, show the best of yourself. (I know that’s right!)
  67. A real friend asks to spend time with you, not money. (Again!  NO! You can’t borrow money.)
  68. At 20 years of age the will reigns, at 30 the wit, at 40 the judgment. (He’s not telling me I’m going to die by the time I’m 40, is he?!?)
  69. A big fortune will descend upon you this year. (Let it come down!!!!)
  70. A light heart carries you through all the hard times. (What hard times?  A BIG fortune is descending!)
  71. A lifetime of happiness lies ahead of you. (Exactly, like you said before – so, what hard times?)
  72. A new venture will be a success. (I like all this talk of success.)
  73. Believe it can be done. (*Singing* I’m a believer!)
  74. You will become more passionate and determined about your vision. (Sounds good to me.)
  75. If you judge people, you have no time to love them. (Judge not that ye be not judged.)
  76. A gambler not only will lose what he has, but also will lose what he doesn’t have. (Oh yeah? Want to bet!?!?)
  77. A kiss can beautify souls, hearts, and thoughts. (Shut up and kiss me.)
  78. Good news is on the way. (Good.)
  79. An understanding heart warms all that are graced with its presence. (Wow… eat a lot of cookies, get a lot of repeats.)
  80. Do not let great ambitions overshadow small success. (See what I mean?)
  81. Action with a brain.  Today you should proceed – (This one was cut off… it probably held the words that would lead to total enlightenment too.)
  82. A romantic evening awaits you tonight. (I bet you say that to all the guys.)
  83. Good timber does not grow with ease; the stronger the wind, the stronger the trees. (I’ll put that in my camping survival file.)
  84. Do not let what you do not have, prevent you from using what you do have. (Oookay, stop repeating yourself.)
  85. A pleasant surprise is in store for you. (Except that one.  You can repeat that one all you want.)
  86. A romantic evening awaits you. (Okay, that one can be repeated too – once per day sounds good to me.)
  87. A fair face may fade, but a beautiful soul lasts forever. (Yup, I’m ugly and TOTALLY alright with that.)
  88. Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it. (Definite truth in that.)
  89. Actions speak louder – (and then it was cut off, but I bet you can finish it.)
  90. A kiss makes the heart young again and wipe out the years. (*Singing* For-ev-er Youuuuung)

    What’s up with all the romance and kissing stuff!?!?!?!?
    I’m not complaining, but MY GOODNESS!

  91. Do not follow where the path may lead. Go where there is no path… and leave a trail. (Love it!)
  92. A new voyage will fill your life with untold memories. (This is getting good…  I’m on the edge of my seat!)
  93. An ounce of care is worth a pound of cure. (And a pound of cure costs $566.98 – according to my pharmacist.)
  94. Doing little things well is a step towards doing big things better. (Okay.)
  95. Good news will come to you from far far away. (Hmm… not just far away, but far FAR away.)
  96. A refreshing change is in your future. (How refreshing.)
  97. A difference, to be a difference, must make a difference. (That’ll PREACH!)
  98. All of your hard work will soon be paid off. (My son is keeping task of the extra days off the company owes me.)
  99. A golden egg of opportunity falls into your lap this month. (Cool! Hope it doesn’t break in my lap!)
  100. A rolling stone gathers no moss… but it obtains a certain polish! (Of course “Deep roots are not reached by frost,” either.)

    Finally at 100 – almost there.

  101. A person is not wise simply because one talks a lot. (Seriously it’s quite the opposite.)
  102. A feather in the hand is better than a bird in the air. (Actually, unless you’re going to try to tickle someone, they’re both equally useless.)
  103. A quiet evening with friends is the best tonic for a long day. (Tonic?  …And Gin?  Just kidding, I don’t drink…  It’s the drunk clowns that scare people.)
  104. Do not put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today. (Which is why I plan on going fishing in a while.)
  105. Advancement will come with hard work. Adventure – (another one that was cut off…  the ending sounds more promising than the first part – I’m not all that excited about hard work.)
  106. Good people are good because they’ve come to wisdom through failure. (Surely not all of them.)
  107. Do not seek so much to find the answer as to understand the question better. (No, really, I like answers better than questions.  Sorry.)
  108. Be patient, pleasant and open and you will see more truths. (I stand corrected.)
  109. Listen to the wisdom of the old. (Always.)
  110. A banker is someone who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining. (Precisely why I avoid them.)
  111. Be on the lookout for coming events; they cast a shadow beforehand! (Are you saying I should get the umbrella from the banker?)
  112. …of the great. (Another typo – but it sounds exciting.)
  113. A part of us remains wherever we have been. (Then why is it so easy to gain weight and so difficult to lose weight?)
  114. A man’s dreams are an index of his greatness. (The lovers, the dreamers and me.)
  115. Getting the right answers is only possible when you have asked the right questions. (Which is why I always ask “What are the right questions to ask?” before asking anything else.)
  116. A good beginning is half the task. (Really? Ever try writing a book?  The beginning is just the beginning – without a middle & end it isn’t much at all.)
  117. An optimist is the human personification of spring. (Um – I don’t mean to be picky – but isn’t “human personification” a bit redundant?)
  118. A gathering of friends brings you lots of luck this evening. (Anyone want to go fishing with us?)
  119. Do your work with your whole heart, and you will succeed. (Sounds very biblical to me.)
  120. A lifetime friend shall soon be made. (Always room for one more.)
  121. A leader is powerful to the degree he empowers others. (Again.)
  122. A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something. (So you had better listen!)
  123. Either you can or you can’t. (Sorry – I can’t can’t.)
  124. You’re not afraid of storms, for you’re learning to sail your ship. (Actually, I am BOTH – afraid and learning.)
  125. A person is never too old to learn. (If you disagree read about George Dawson in “Life Is So Good.”)
  126. A family reunion in the coming months will be a tremendous success! (That would be cool – but we’re pretty scattered.)
  127. If you don’t program yourself, life will program you. (*In robot voice* Yes mas-ter.)
  128. A chance meeting with someone from the past is in store. (Cool!!!  I hope it’s Enoch!)
  129. Eat your vegetable[s] and you’ll grow up big and strong like Popeye. (Toot – toot!)
  130. Get into the spirit of the times. (Um…  No thank you – I’d rather “be not conformed to this world…”)
  131. An optimistic attitude is half of success. (I’ll buy that!  It at least doubles your chances.)
  132. Education will never be as expensive as ignorance. (True – but they still make it expensive.)
  133. A frivolous gift is a gift, nonetheless. (I accept any gift – frivolous or not.)
  134. A human being is a deciding being. (I haven’t made up my mind about this one yet.)
  135. You are a lover of words, someday you should write a book. (…  And make it a book of all the fortunes you ever got from fortune cookies?)
  136. Aim high, time flies. (How is that related?)
  137. A leader is powerful to the degree he empowers others. (So I hear.)
  138. A leader is a person you will follow to a place you wouldn’t go by yourself. (I’m still not following you into the ladies restroom – sorry.)
  139. A leader is a person you will follow to a place you wouldn’t go by yourself. (You don’t give up, do you?  The answer is still NO.)
  140. A gambler not only will lose what he has, but also will lose what he doesn’t have. (AND he knows when to hold ’em, knows when to fold ’em, knows when to walk away – and knows when to run!)
  141. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline. (Very true.)
  142. Education and intelligence aren’t the same thing. (I can show you some examples if you are not convinced.)
  143. Actually….  142 and a HALF –

You will fin…
Fortune

(I’m guessing it says: You will find the other half of this Fortune when you least expect it.)

 
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Posted by on June 9, 2012 in Fortune Cookies

 

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Fortune Cookie Chronicles VI: Revenge Of The Crumbs

At last!

Click picture to see past fortunes.

Sixty nine days, one hour, and forty-three minutes have lapsed – not that I was counting – since I published the fifth (if you’re tracking these oriental journeys using Roman numerals that would be a big-V) installment of the FCC.

I will ask you all to understand this was NOT a nearly 70-day cookie fast.  I have personally consumed many golden cookies containing pale slips of parchment with azure lettering upon them.
With my consumption has also come a compulsion to file the treasures in a sandwich bag until I have the time to properly archive them in the proper page of cyberspace for all the world to enjoy…

BUT – That time has not yet come…  Maybe later this week.

For now, though, the time has come for me to post the contents of the current cookies consumed.
So, without anymore hesitation, allow me to share new-found ancient western secrets with you:

Oh yeah!

An unexpected check or fortune will arrive today.
Since I ate this around 8 PM, I will allow a full 24 hours for fruition.

A light heart carries you through all the hard times.
Is this Buddha’s way of telling me the last fortune was a joke?

A real friend asks to spend time with you, not money.
Okay…  So is the fortune coming my way or not!?!?!?!?!?
AND – what if the friend asks to spend time with you in a really expensive restaurant?

Be on the alert for new opportunities.
So, you’re going to make me work for this fortune?  I should have stopped at the first cookie…

A kind word warms for three winters.
Sure…  be vague now…  Oh!!!  – I meant to say, Thank You!!!!

Ouch… That hurts!

 
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Posted by on May 8, 2012 in Fortune Cookies

 

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Updated: The Fortune Cookie Chronicles

The Giddy family’s first supper of March – brought to you by my friends at China House.

Here is another installment of –

The Fortune Cookie Chronicles!

March 1, 2012:  Crispy Golden Cookie – Contains Wisdom Carved on Pale Paper.
Don’t expect to find one right way to make yourself more creative.
(Nurse Sonshine’s…  Who said she’s looking to be more creative?)
Never quit!
(Priddy Giddy’s – she doesn’t!)
Financial hardship in your life is coming to an end!
(Iddy Biddy Giddy was glad his 10 year old self has this assurance at such an young age!)
Be magnanimous, be trustful, be hopeful and be patient.
(Yes sir…  but magnanimous is too big of a word for a clown – just give it to me in English.)
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.

Cwick Cookie Fo’ Mo’ FZZ…
 
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Posted by on March 1, 2012 in Fortune Cookies

 

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Updated: The Fortune Cookie Chronicles

Aw, yes – Nurse Sonshine demanded Golden Palace…
Giddy cannot withstand the Nurse’s will!

Here is another installment of –

The Fortune Cookie Chronicles!

February 18, 2012:  Crispy Golden Cookie – Contains Wisdom Carved on Pale Paper.
A new pair of shoes will do you a world of good! (Nurse Sonshine’s…  she still hasn’t gone shopping)
You will enjoy doing something different this weekend.
Your respect for others will be your ticket to success.
Your respect for others will be your ticket to success.
(I guess we really needed this message, since we got it twice)
Your judgment is a little off at this time.  Rely on friends.
(The 4 year old got that one…  We’re trying to teach her not to give into peer pressure!)
You would be wise not to seek too much from others, at this time.
(This too was the little one’s…  I think Buddha may be bi-polar?  
He is definitely sending mixed messages here.)
Listen these next few days to your friends to get answers you seek.
(I’m finding a pattern here…  Anyone have any advice they want to give me?)
You will soon embark on a business venture.

Cwick Cookie Fo' Mo' FZZ...

 
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Posted by on February 22, 2012 in Fortune Cookies

 

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Updated: The Fortune Cookie Chronicles

The Giddy family had to visit our friends at China House tonight.  Which means you get another installment of…

The Fortune Cookie Chronicles!!!
 (Click to read the fortunes)

They were busier than I have ever seen them – no doubt they believe the boom in business is due to this fella’:

Laughing, Reclining, Eating, Fat Buddha

This statue wasn’t there last month when I went, or any time prior to that.

I thought it is a very beautiful and intricately carved piece of art. The jade is so smooth and I was very interested in the marbling of it – nearly solid white head, nearly solid green feet.  The detail on the cabbage leaves is pretty amazing – you can see pores on the leaves.

I had to run back to the car to get my phone and take a picture…  Which made my Chinese friend (the blurry one with the red hat) think I was leaving because he was taking too long – I assured him I’d be right back. When I came back to take the picture – and get my food – I wondered if they would be offended by my picture-taking, but then remembered the ancient Chinese proverb:

“He who pays cash, offends in nothing.”

Actually, that’s not an ancient Chinese proverb – but no doubt it holds some truth.

I did some Google-ing this evening trying to decipher what this statue means to these folks.
It turns out that lots of folks do not believe Buddha statues are idols (just something to “focus on” during meditation) – even though they seem to present them with offerings of lotus petals and oranges… but the statues are not objects of worship.  They also supposedly bring luck. (Sounds like an idol to me)

Anyhow – it’s an interesting looking statue, full of symbolism…  Just about every piece of that thing is a symbol for wealth, happiness, and prosperity.  I don’t know what each of the words say – but the last one is wealth.

I know this also:  Tonight, it was not this green Buddha that made them wealthy –  It was me!

BUT they rewarded me with a free 2-liter of Pepsi and two extra handfuls of cookies –
Now for the fortunes…  Kwik heea

 
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Posted by on February 5, 2012 in Fortune Cookies

 

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Updated: The Fortune Cookie Chronicles

Aw, yes – craving the Panda!

Here is another installment of –

The Fortune Cookie Chronicles!

January 20, 2012:  It’s been over two weeks – must…  eat…  cookie with paper inside –
Reward yourself with a much deserved gift. (Eat another cookie?)
Your courage will guide your future.
Your hard work is about to pay off.
Listen to friends with an ear to the future. (What’s up with these futuristic fortunes – I want instant gratification.)
You will be happily surprised by a long time friend.

Cwick Cookie Fo' Mo' FZZ...

 
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Posted by on January 20, 2012 in Fortune Cookies

 

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